


Hannah´s doubt

by wilhelms



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 19:37:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19752454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wilhelms/pseuds/wilhelms
Summary: Hannah´s POV. How did she feel about older/Jonas? Her decision to travel back in time.





	Hannah´s doubt

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment if you liked it or not or if you want to talk a little bit about the favourite girl :).

“You are selfish, you have always been and perhaps it was meant to be that way.” How could he even say anything like that? His words echoed in her head. Again and again. Was it who she was for him? Just a selfish, shallow person? Was her love downplayed and doubted by her own son? How could he, how could he not understand? How could he not know the feeling of passion, dedication and love? Maybe she was a mistake, she had always been. Perhaps no one even really liked her? 

She wanted to hug him. she wanted to scream his name JONAS, JONAS, JONAS but how could she hug such a stranger? Were they the same age? Was it even him? Was it even true what he showed her? The travelling back, the machine, Mikkel being Michael. What if this was only a dream? An odd, brilliant, very life-like dreams. She used to have very life-like vivid dreams when Michael died, those were dreams where she couldn´t save him. Save him? Sometimes she wondered whether she wasn´t saving him his whole life. Saving him from the darkness that was in his eyes. He always seemed so distant, so drawn into his own world. Did he even love her? Did anyone ever ask him that? Did anyone ever doubt his love? 

How funny that her own son was so blind to this. Perhaps, he wasn´t her son. No, how could that be? Anyway, now it didn´t matter, she has already made a decision. She would travel back. After all, wasn´t she the bad guy in this story? Wasn´t he expecting her to do what she was planning to? Wasn´t she supposed to do that? What if she was really destined to fuck everything up? Why would that matter to him anyway? It wouldn´t surprise him. What would you expect from a bitch of your mother. 

It was too easy, he slept so well. Like a baby. He was always a good sleeper. Maybe she should not do that. A moment of doubt. “You are not my Jonas” she whispered. Pretending that was easier. It was painless, she could leave him here without tears, without regret. Her son, her beloved baby. He would manage. She knew he would but what was she to do? Perhaps if she could do things differently. Perhaps she could change something for good? Do something good for him? 

She would go, go so long ago that he would not follow her. Why would he? Not back to the 80s to save Mikkel and watch him to become Michael. But somewhere unimportant for Jonas, somewhere where he would not follow but her heart could not stop itself. Ulrich, it had always been him - the almost lover. The almost of all almosts. How she loved him! How foolish she was! Perhaps Katharina was right, he would always choose her over Hannah. In her heart, she was sure of it, in her mind, she needed to see it, to hear it, to have her heart broken again and for the last time. 

It was almost way too easy. No modern records, not enough evidence. Meeting Egon was surreal but she didn´t show that. Good actress to the boot. She practised a lot when she was young. But it also seemed that Egon didn´t really feel quite confident around women with red lipstick. She knew who she was and that was her power. His? He was too good a man. 

The hospital seemed just as one would imagine it to be. Dirty, smelly, depressive and she almost vomited with nervosity. The best would be to rely on her ability to deceive. Was she right to do so? Was it too late to go back to Winden? To Jonas? Maybe this Jonas was still better than no Jonas? But she was there and she could hear herself asking for Ulrich, she could hear herself saying the name Katharina Nielsen, without a blink of an eye, without a giggle, without breaking the role. She had to see him. 

But when he came, it was hard to stand, her knees shaking, her hands trembling, she was afraid she would fall, her head dizzy, her body too heavy but quickly, quickly keep the pose. She came to ask him, to finally know it. “You have never told me that you loved me.” Because she was the bitch who slept around but he was a decent family guy who just slipped. That was the scenario. “Of course I love you, I have always loved you” and she would almost believe him, she would almost save him. Almost. That was the word that would be theirs forever. Almost. But he broke it. Was it blinking? Was it his tone? Was it how quickly he said it? He was not a good actor, he wasn´t like her. Katharina, children. Her name rang in her ears. Katharina, it would always be her. He would do anything to get out of there. She was just a toy. Someone to play around and throw when she was not wanted anymore. What about her? Jonas said she was the selfish one but perhaps not enough. Maybe just maybe this was the chance to really be. They want a villain, well, she´d become one, the best one they could imagine and she would go down with that ship. 

“It is not him. I almost thought it would but no. Just a resemblance.”   
“Are you sure?”   
“Yes”


End file.
